Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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