Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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