you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
