it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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