Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
a search helicopter?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
