as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
