Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
