Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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