I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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