Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
