Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize