Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
