Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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