So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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