i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
