You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
