hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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