The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
