drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
