I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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