dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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