I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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