dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize