I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
