its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
