Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
