Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
