She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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