I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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