mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
