How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize