I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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