My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
