He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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