I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
