Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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