How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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