I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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