I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
