In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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