Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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