you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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