So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
