When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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