ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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