i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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