Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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