hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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