I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
