Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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