I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
