Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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