My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
