Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
