i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
