Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
