Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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