Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
