Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize