she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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