my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
