Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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