need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have demons in me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
