i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
