great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
