I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I could make wine with my vomit
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
