i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
