maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Randomize
