dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
