I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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