i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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