let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
