I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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