Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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